I had envisioned my first summer off since I was twelve much like a slow motion dance through a field of wildflowers. Hadyn and I would blithely dance from adventure to adventure and everything would be perfect; a fairy tale summer to make all other summers pale in comparison.
The reality was that I had far too many projects, far too many self imposed deadlines and my plans were far too numerous to be reachable. In actuality we have had maybe three adventures, maybe five days at the beach, and nine days of holiday with an altogether too ambitious road trip in the mix.
Additionally I am tackling the third edit and rewrite of my manuscript on top of trying to keep all the people I write for happy. One of my writer friends once called it, “feeding the beast” and although my ‘beast’ is still a little kitten it mewls constantly for it’s next feeding.
Really, truly, I swear to God, I cannot wait for summer to be over.
I never thought I would think that and in truth it feels like sacrilege to write it. The reality is that I have been focused far more on what I am not doing than what I am.
And that has got to stop.
This fall I will be starting a project far more ambitious than any I have ever attempted and I need to clean my mental slate in order to feel up to the task. For those of you who know me in real life you know that I rarely act my age. I don’t feel my age, so I simply see no reason that I must behave it. And don’t ask me what it is because I wont tell you. God forbid that other people should start expecting me to behave like a grown up. I have had a perpetual belief that the only limitations in life are the ones we create in our mind. I chose to pretend that I am still 21 going on 22, and nothing you say is going to dissuade me from that notion.
I ate complete and utter crap (white food and chocolate) for our entire vacation. I will occasionally indulge in simple carbs but an almost two week binge is unheard of. When we got back my knees ached, I was tired and cranky and my face was breaking out. I have been coaching other people about their diet for going on a decade, surely I couldn’t have fallen in the sugar smack trap? But I did, and it is with humility that I admit it.
I also discovered how hard editing is. I am working with a very gifted editor who is not allowing me to get away with vagueness just because the sentence is pretty. My “cookbook with feelings” about becoming a chef has been having a whole lot more feelings this past week.
As if it wasn’t hard enough to write about my spectacularly shitty childhood the first time around, actually rewriting it has turned out to be harder. In addition to my body betraying me by craving sugar smack, my emotions are betraying me by giving way to constant tears and “fight or flight” adrenaline reactions. (Yes, I know the two are interrelated, thank you.) So my shitty sugar withdrawal just got infinitely worse by my mean editor making me be “specific” when I tell a story.
Sometime over the last year I discovered Joe Treacy on YouTube. He is a self hypnosis specialist and his meditations have helped me heal. For those of you that don’t meditate because you just can’t or its too hard, this guy actually was put here on Earth for you. For those of you that are crazy about meditating, he is totally freaking awesome. His voice could talk the birds down from the trees and make the sun stop in its tracks. I love him and I know you will too. I’m going to post a link here to one of my favorite (and shortest) meditations. I have so many favorites though it was hard to choose. Give it a try and check out his YouTube page. This guy is a genius with a REALLY sexy voice.
I will be sending some longer blog posts soon (maybe) and will be sending links to the articles that will be coming out this fall, but meanwhile find some happiness with one of my favorite gurus. And you’re welcome.